dieORlive?

March 23, 2005 (USA): When I took my son to his regularly scheduled physical at 18 months, I had no inkling my life would permanently change forever. During the routine physical the doctor came in and measured my son from head to toe. The doctor silently left the room and a nurse came in and measured my son's head four times. After each measurement, the nurse left the room to give the pediatrician the results. Being a relatively new mother and having only had three previously scheduled examinations for my son, I calmly played with my son to pass the time until the physician returned. What did I really know about these examinations, nothing; I only knew they were to check my bouncing baby boy's progress.
     When the physician returned, he looked very serious and proceeded to softly tell me that my son's head was growing out of proportion with the rest of his body. The pediatrician stated that my son was hydrocephalic and that there was little or no hope that he would ever learn to walk or talk; the pediatrician strongly suggested that my sweet baby should be institutionalized and the prognosis for a "normal" childhood or adulthood was not in the cards.
     I remember leaving the doctor's office with my son. I remember stopping by my husband's office on the way to the park. I explained what the doctor had told me. My husband's response was simply, "Well, he is the same little boy he was before the appointment and we would continue to adore him and give him the absolute best care money could buy." I remember it was a beautiful summer day and a perfect day to go to the park. I don't recall driving to the park; however, I do remember watching my son play in the sand box and he looked like a very happy, healthy content little boy. I sat and watched my boy playing in the sand and I remember that his eyes were bright and shiny. I asked myself how this little person could be in such bad shape, when he looked so sweet and bright.
     When we returned home from the park, I put my little boy down for a much needed nap. In the stillness of the house I sat alone doing probably what every Mother does in a similar situation. First, I wracked my brain trying to imagine what I had done to cause this situation to happen. I concentrated on blaming myself for my son's maladies. I thought was it the joints I smoked, the drinking I had done or the many "sins" I had committed in my life. I knew that as his Mother I must be to blame for his condition. I just knew the Almighty was punishing me for past my actions. I was to blame for this and I stewed over the situation for many days.
     After the self-blaming phase came to an end; I came to my senses and I ended my pity party. From that moment, I said to myself, "Okay, now what am I going to do to 'fix' the situation." As luck would have it, I lived in San Antonio, Texas. San Antonio has many medical centers and my son and I visited many different physicians. Long before Nancy Reagan came up with her famous line; it was me who said, "Just say no"! Each time we went to a doctor for a consultation, each doctor gave me a different diagnosis. Finally, head spinning from all the "experts" various conclusions, I personally selected a few that I could handle and accept. I directed my efforts to finding proper remedies for the difficulties that I could face and that I could work toward solving.
     I picked LLD (Language Learning Disabled), hydrocephalus, speech disorder and hyperactivity. I began visiting physicians regarding those four problems. After visiting five doctors who immediately recommended Ritalin, a legal form of "speed" in my opinion, I began seeking out doctors who believed in natural therapies. At that time, I refer to them as the Dark Ages now, I was insured by Humana. Of course, Humana only would cover the cheapest and most common forms of care. Ritalin was much cheaper than going the natural route, so the "bean counters" at Humana refused to cover any treatment other than Ritalin. One would think that natural herbs and vitamin therapy would be cheap since it wasn't medication. Wrong! I worked fulltime and hours and hours of overtime to pay for natural therapy. I even wrote hot checks, proudly, to the grocer, the landlord, to the electric company and everyone else but the physician to provide my son with the absolute best in medical care. I was even summoned to court regarding "paper hanging"; after explaining to a judge why I had to bounce checks, that wonderful man dismissed the case against me and said my reason for floating checks was the best one he had heard during his many years of sitting on the bench!
     Hillary Clinton said it best, "It takes a village to raise a child!" Miraculously, people took an interest in my son and either pointed me in the right direction and at times went to bat for him. We had Devine Intervention also, I just happened to meet a professor who was active in the inception of the program now known as Any Baby Can. I stumbled on her when a friend had her for a psychology course at one of the local universities. My son also attended any youth program I could find. Many teachers, counselors and coaches at daycare, the YMCA, the Boys and Girls Club, St. Girard's basketball camp worked with my son and as my son began to excel in sports, those victories also spilled over into academics. As my son began to "win" in sports, he also began to excel in school! The teachers, counselors and coaches instilled in him their belief that "can't" was not a word. They also told him that there was no "i" in team! In Kindergarten my son was voted "Swimmer of the Year"! As he continued his swimming his grades were beginning to crest, too!
     My son had a terrible, frightening Kindergarten teacher. She even scared me for a short time. However, I was contacted by the special education department to come to an ARD meeting about my son. I was delighted that he would be getting additional help. I met Gloria Brown, a special education teacher, who, in my opinion, not only gave me a new child after four years, but also should be recommended for Sainthood! Ms. Brown would call me if my son happened to finish a workbook, so I could take him out to dinner to celebrate. She also contacted me if my son had the sniffles! My son remained in resource room with Ms. Brown from the second week of Kindergarten through the Third Grade. During the Third Grade it was as if a curtain had lifted and my son's mind literally opened up like an oyster; the inside of that oyster was packed with pearls. It took from age 18 months until age 9 to hear my son's name and the word "normal" in the same sentence. Victory!
     The years from the Fourth Grade through my son's graduation from college were less eventful than the early years. He has accomplished many things in life, academia and sports. I am proud of many things that my son has done and will do in the future, but his finest accomplishment, after the years of frustration and years of extreme effort, he developed compassion for others. He now holds a degree that bears his name, but many names should also be on that sheepskin. When my son graduated from college, I sat down, with great delight, and sent announcements to all those "so-called" experts! Then I sat down and sent thank you notes and announcements to all those who believed in him. I sent out many more "thank you" notes than I did "gotchas"!
     He now teaches Mathematics at a local high school and last summer he became certified in special education. He has gone full circle now and we are both better people for having taken the trip.
     Knowing that the Almighty has blessed my son and me, I encourage you to never give up or shut up! Always fight the good fight and listen to your heart and take what the "experts" say with a few very large grains of salt. When you face adversity in your life, the Almighty is always with you; perhaps you may not reach the summit, but you will soar higher than you can imagine. Like the song says, "Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers and Me".