dieORlive?

Monday-March 29, 2005 (IRELAND): I can't seem to leave. Its epic, isn't it? Yeah. I've used that word way too often. But, I can't seem to find the words anymore. I'm looking though a window of this house with no lights. Its so dark and I can't seem to find my way out. I hear rain dropping outside. But, I can see outside. It isn't raining! The sky is clear! This confuses me. Ireland confuses me. No, Ireland doesn't confuse me. This seems like the only place where I can understand why things are the way they are. I'm not so sure why that is though. It is, thats all I know. Ahh... my heart is burning so much right now. Maybe that because I haven't eaten in 2 day. I've been thinking so much that food was the last thing on my mind.
     I'm not so sure when I'll eat again. Its not on my list of top priorities. Its not on any of my lists. I'm so tired. So, so much... I'm so tired. I'm breathing but nothing seems to make any sense. I'm breathing but I'm not. I can't seem to understand it. It drives me insane sometimes. The things that catch me this way, kill me this way.
     Green landscape caresses itself for distances. The area is spectacular. I don't know what to say. I really wouldn't know what to say anyways... I'm way hungry. I'm hungry for food. Maybe, or... I'm hungry to know whats wrong. I'm dying here. Still, static and tired... so tired. I want to know how the world works but I'm standing here looking though the window. I don't want to go outside. I do... but, I don't. If I do, I'll have to risk it. Risk what? Risk going outside I suppose.
     Maybe it was time for me to move on. It was so damn hard to think about it. But, I guess... It must have been time. Otherwise, I had no clue why that Zebra stopped hitting itself against the window. Wow! That was a strong window. I wonder what it was made out of... I'm not sure I really wonder that.
     "I think I'd better go searching for food." I thought to myself. Replying to myself, "About time." Milk is good. Maybe I'll have some of that. I wonder if I could find milk in Ireland. I suppose I could. Why wouldn't they have it here? Afterall, they had a Zebra.