dieORlive?

Monday-March 29, 2005 (IRELAND): Yeah. Back in Ireland again. It seems as if I left something behind while I was on my journey through this country. Where was it? What part of this place did I leave it at? Ahh... I so wasn't sure. I didn't even know what I was looking for to tell you the truth. I really didn't even know why I came back. I did though. Thats really all that matters, I guess.
     Sometime's I go back to things to see where I am. Sometimes when I lose myself I have to grab onto something that seems real and hold onto it with everything... well, almost everything. And that for me became Ireland. It was a nice Country to sit around in and look at everything... ahh! So much amazing things... so much! It burns my heart thinking about it. I could just die a thousand deaths right now and it would be alright. So right. It burns me so bad.
     Well, I decided to sit beside this one tree that I'd become acustomed to. It wasn't much. I guess it could be called a weaping willow tree. I didn't even know they had those out there! I guess this was one weird place. Anyways, I'd sit there for hours...
     My mind... we'd procrastinate together until the day came to a close. It was so... lonely. I was so lost... "What am I doing?" I thought to myself. I was losing it... I knew that. But, did I care? I'm not sure. Maybe I did, or I don't believe I'd have asked.
     Just then I heard some movement in the trees. Yeah, you guessed it. A raccoon! It jumped off of that branch and landed on top of me. Oh! That wasn't really fun. I got scratched so much. Then it looked at me like, "hey, watch where you're going!" And thats when I realized I was out of place. That raccoon was right! I wasn't watching where I was going. If I was I wouldn't have been in Ireland, would I? I was already there. Why go back to where you've been? That doesn't make any sense. Does it? The world changes... things change. Time goes on... "and so we must let go of the past and head toward the future." I heard that quote somewhere but I'm not sure I could recall where. It kills me thinking of that quote. And if I didn't get up soon the scorpion that followed me from Russia would have killed me all the same.
     I walked for so long that night. It became a trek. The world became some sort of mystic jungle. I was flawlessly searching for something that wasn't there or if it was I wasn't any closer to finding it than I was losing it. And I was losing it! Oh... I was losing everything, I'd assume. I'd realized that I was looking for this "Antidote," but, I couldn't find it anywhere. Maybe I wasn't searching hard enough. And, what 'antidote was it that I was looking for? I mean, what did it look like? This was really starting to annoy me.
     Just then a zebra started chasing me. Ahh?! I ran so fast that day. It was crazy. I was crazy. A zebra in Ireland. Who would have guessed? Not me, thats for sure. Well, maybe. I did leave the plane door open for some time while I went inside this restaurant to get something to eat in the other country I was in. I couldn't recall where that zebra came from though. I didn't know what country it could have come from. Maybe... ...no. It could have been the zebra lived in Ireland. Who's to say it didn't? I was so lost... If I was to find that 'antidote I needed to get going. And so I did. It was time to wake up anyways... The world felt asleep to me that day... so asleep.